I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
