Having a random hookup so left but love u
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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