so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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