so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My dick has a subreddit
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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