Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
