Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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