Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you had me at cake vodka
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
