apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
meet me or not, i'm out of control
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
