she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
