i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
