nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
