Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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