if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
