hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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