When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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