I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize