Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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