Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
