Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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