3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
