Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
