ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
