they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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