a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
