so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
