i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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