chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
