Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
