You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
