I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
