chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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