I just saw a hot homeless man
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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