There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No subtext here. People are naked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
