And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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