so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
