Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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