I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize