I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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