You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
