I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
