Yo dont text me then not text me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
