She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
