I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
