dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
