she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
