GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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