dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize