We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
