It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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