Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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