i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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