OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
