She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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