...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
