I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
