chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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