so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
