You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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