i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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