Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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