There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
