I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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