Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dear god my vagina.
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