just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
