i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
