I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she told me i tasted like america
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
