I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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