Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
