all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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