Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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