all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
