You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
MIDGETS
????
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize