Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
