It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
