I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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