Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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