Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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