I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
