If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
