1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
