Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize