I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
