Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
