...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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