Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
