Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
