All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
