i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
