I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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