just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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