i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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