I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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