Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
