Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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