It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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