Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
