You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm at about main and main street
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
