Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
