awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
