Bisexual people are plain selfish.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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